Hikaru And Kaoru Read A Fanfic
by Snodin
Summary: Uh-oh. (Rated for minor language and suggestive sexual themes)
1. Prologue

.

On the third floor of Japan's prestigious Ouran High School, where only the richest and most prominent students study, one would find Music Room 3 at the end of a long hall with walls painted pink and gold. Behind its ivory white doors: a gentle gust of rose petals, followed by the warm faces of seven quirky but lovable teens who are ready to serve and entertain you:

**Tamaki Suou**\- The Host King; half French, half Japanese, and all around goofball. He considers himself a patriarch, and the club members his family.

**Kyoya Ootori**\- Tamaki's right hand man and self-appointed accountant of the group. He does not consider himself to be a supporting character, homosexual or otherwise.

**Takashi "Mori" Morinozuka**\- the strong, silent type; well, more silent than strong... More silent than anything, really.

**Mitskuni "Hunny" Haninozuka**\- Mori's cousin, who looks a lot younger than he is. He's also the most fearsome of the group, especially just after naptime.

The brothers **Hatachiin**, **Hikaru **and **Kaoru**\- known as the Twin Devils; they're as mischevous as cats, and twice as dangerous when bored.

And **Haruhi Fujioka**\- a kind and patient young man...who's really a girl in disguise.

Welcome to the **Ouran High School Host Club**.

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"**HIKARU AND KAORU READ A FANFIC"**

**Snodin**

**.**

**For Angie**

.

"_Hika... Is this going to hurt?" His voice was breathless, his heart fluttering at nearly a hundred miles per hour as he stared up at his beloved twin._

_The elder boy caressed the younger's cheek tenderly. "Oh yes, Kaoru. It will hurt at first... But trust me, it'll be worth it."_

_This was the night they dreamed of, the night when all of their defenses would drop and their facades unmasked. There was no one but them; no cameras rolling, no disapproving onlookers. Nothing to hold them back. Tonight, all of their fantasies were about to come true._

_Hikaru laid his younger twin down on their King-sized bed after gently pulling off his_ _shirt. Kaoru shivered as the cold air hit his skin, but he quickly relaxed as he began to breathe deeply, his arms stretched out and his legs dangling over the side of the bed. He watched intently as his older twin slowly undid his belt buckle and proceeded to gingerly pull down his pants, exposing his thin legs. Before the younger Hitachiin was completely exposed, Hikaru began to tear his own clothes off until he himself was in boxers. _

_Kaoru reached out with his index finger and caressed his twin's bare chest. "Oh, Hikaru... You're so beautiful." His cheeks flared red._

_The older twin, not missing a beat, reached down and kissed his brother's chest, making his body rise slightly. Another chill ran through Kaoru, but this was more of a thrill than anything else. He gasped for air, even though he wasn't in need of it. Not yet, anyway._

_"You look nervous," breathed Hikaru as he gazed into his brother's identical eyes._

_"I am... a little," gulped Kaoru softly._

_"Don't be," smiled the older Hitachiin. "...You want this, don't you?"_

_"Yes. I want this... I want _you_." He rested his left hand on Hikaru's right cheek. "I'm ready."_

_Kaoru pulled him in, their mouths wide open..._

.

_**D-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-ING!**_

The sudden shrill of the classroom bell caught Ayaka (last name) off guard, dropping the newest page of her fanfic onto the floor. Frantically, she reached down and recovered it before the professor caught her in the act. This was becoming more and more commonplace for her, as her school subjects became more and more boring by the day. Her only escape was her fantasy world, in which the Hitachiin Twins' taboo love affair was a very real thing, and it was now playing out like a textbook love story.

As a regular guest of the Host Club, Ayaka was among the Twins' frequent customers. And since they had so many at one time, they simply couldn't give special attention to each one, as it would only make her fellow fangirls jealous. The last thing those two Devils needed was a fight to break out amongst their fans. But Ayaka was a patient girl, and fully aware of her position. She knew that the Twins cared for all of their guests equally, and she wouldn't dare disrupt the peace. But she just couldn't keep her admiration of them to herself, it was ready to pop out like soda in a shaken bottle. So she turned to fanfiction as an outlet, and so far it was a success. So long as no one else saw it, the professors especially, she was safe in her little world of taboo love.

Her heart was skipping several beats as she scrambled to collect the last of her books, for this was the last class of the day. From here, it was straight to Music Room 3...

..

..

...where it was Fantasy Day.

Truth be told, none of the Hosts could decide on one specific fantasy to play out, as so many of them fit the classic Medevil theme. So each one was allowed to role-play as a character of their choosing, so long as that character fit within a fantasy realm. As a result, Tamaki took the role of King Arthur with a plastic Excalibur in hand; Kyoya dressed in a purple velvet wizard's robe and donned a long pointy hat and a fake silver beard. He didn't say which wizard he was; Tamaki assumed he was Merlin, but he could have very well been cast as Gandolf or Dumbledore instead. Haruhi was a court jester, with mismatched patches of purple and lime green, topped with a cap with bells on its end. Mori was a knight of the realm, completely covered in silvery armor; Hunny was his squire, dressed humbly in a white dress shirt and brown raggedy pants. In his hand he held a white pole with a plush white horse head on its end.

The ones that stood out were the Twins; since the fantasy theme didn't have specifics, they were free to play out the most risqué of characters: Queen Cersei and her twin Jaime, from George R. R. Martin's _"Game of Thrones." _Their reasoning to be this pair was all too obvious, but Tamaki was especially creeped out by it. For one thing, Kaoru (as Cersei) was wearing an orange dress laced in gold, one fit for a true lady; and his blonde wig was super long and braided, making him almost unrecognizable. Hikaru as Jaime looked just as regal, but at least he looked manly.

The sight of them turned Tamaki's face red with embarrassment; "When I said 'Play out your favorite fantasy,'" he elaborated, "this isn't exactly what I had in mind."

"I dunno," smirked the boy in women's clothing, as he twirled a band of fake hair around his finger, "this dress is really comfortable. I ought to do this more often."

His devilish twin leaned in and breathed in his ear, "Careful what you wish for, Kaoru. Next time, I might dress you up as a skimpy nurse."

"Oo, then you can be my patient for a change," purred Kaoru with a wily grin.

After cringing at the Twins, Tamaki turned to his favorite Host(ess). "Haruhi, I'm curious: why did you go with the court jester motif?"

"For the sake of irony," smirked the girl in boyish clothing. "Every other day, I'm the one surrounded by a bunch of clowns."

"Ah," he nodded, misreading her snide remark as a jab at her first-year peers. "Well I can't speak for your other classmates, except for Bonnie and Clyde over there."

The Twins shot a look of offense at him. **"We're Cersei and Jaime Lannister."**

Tamaki rolled his eyes. "Whatever."

"Places, everyone! Here come the guests," announced Merlin/Gandalf/Dumbledore.

As the group took their spots in front of the doorway, Tamaki ordered, "Hunny-Senpai, cue the roses!"

Quickly, Hunny placed a pile of freshly plucked rose petals on the ground, right in front of a small electric fan. He turned it on, just as the doors opened. Right on time, the guests were greeted by a flurry of rose petals as they entered the room, and what caught their eyes next was the group of young men who looked like they jumped out of a fantasy book.

"Welcome, ladies!" they all replied.

The girls, Ayaka among them, squealed with delight.

The Host King, dressed in noble attire right down to the crown and red velvet cape, stepped forward and declared, "Today, my lovely young maidens, all of your fantasies will come true! For I am King Arthur, and these are my noble companions!"

Hunny skipped along the floor with his white horse toy between his legs. "Who wants to ride off with me into the sunset?"

"Me! Me!" cheered some of the girls who took off after him.

Ayaka curiously looked around and saw that one of the Hitachiin boys was sitting with what appeared to be a grown woman with long golden hair. "Excuse me, Tamak- err, I mean King Arthur?"

"Yes, my fair maiden?" he grinned while genuflecting to her.

"Oh, I've just noticed that there's only one Hitachiin boy here. Where is the other one?"

"Ah," he nodded. "You must be one of their clients. They're both over there, playing Samson and Delilah."

"Cersei an-"

"Forget it, Kaoru. He's doing this on purpose now," said the twin in male clothing as he narrowed his eyes at his blonde elder.

Ayaka blinked twice before realizing that the "woman" next to Hikaru had his matching face and eyes. She beamed in delight, "Ooo, that's clever!" She and a few other maidens gathered to the Hitachiin table.

.

The afternoon went as planned, with Haruhi entertaining her guests with a juggling act that she learned just for the event, and others watched as Mori and Hunny "slayed" a dragon, that was actually one of Hunny's own plushies. The Twins recited lines from the book, and while not everyone present had read the source material, they were all giddy at the idea of one of the boys crossdressing as a girl.

"What a cute idea," purred one of them. "You guys should crossdress more, it'd be so exciting."

"Yeah, the whole group should get in on it!" cooed another guest.

Little did they know, that one of the Hosts was crossdressing every day. Haruhi heard the remark and rolled her eyes with a smile.

.

Before they knew it, the hour struck 5pm.

"And with that," said the wizard cosplayer, "the Host Club is done for today. Ladies, it's been a pleasure."

The maidens said their goodbyes with the Hosts waving with grand smiles on their faces. But when the last guest left and the doors shut, Tamaki let out a sigh of relief. "_Whew_! That was a close one."

"What do you mean, Senpai?" blinked Haruhi.

The Host King frowned, "This was the second time in a month that we did a theme based around Medevil Europe. I was worried the guests would complain about our lack of creativity."

The girl in boy's clothing smiled, "Nah, they don't really care what theme we do, just as long as we all have fun."

"Yeah," beamed Hunny, still hopping on his horse. "We had lots of fun today! Didn't we, Takashi?"

The stoic knight in shining armor hummed.

"Still," mused the wizard as he tallied up the day's profit in his little black book, "it would be wise if we could put our heads together to do something new for a change. Anyone have any bright ideas?"

"**Not us," **shrugged the Twins; Kaoru took off the wig shortly after the girls left.

"Good," sneered their Boss. "I hate it when you little deviants get ideas."

They stuck out their tongues at him.

"Why don't we worry about this another time?" suggested Haruhi. "It's late, and I've gotta get home to study for a test tomorrow." She then glanced over at the Twins. "Guys, you should get home and study too."

"Can we study with you?" purred Hikaru.

"At your place?" grinned his brother.

If they had tails, they'd be wagging.

Haruhi sighed, "Nice try, guys. You'd be studying alright, but not the books."

The redheads' faces faltered. **"Damn, she's good."**

"Alright you guys," said Haruhi as she started out the door with a wave. "See you all tomorrow."

Tamaki dropped to one knee and stuck out his right arm in dramatic poise. "Farewell, my darling. Parting is such sweet sorrow."

"Hmm," mused Kyoya in his corner. "Shakespeare... Now_ there's _an idea."

"Yeah!" cheered Kaoru. "That's a _great_ idea for the club! I'm gonna go tell Haruhi!"

The boy was practically galloping out the door with his twin close behind yelling, "Hey, Kaoru! Wait for me! I wanna tell her too!"

.

While still dressed as a queen, Kaoru dashed through the hallway while trying to catch up with his female classmate. His brother, still in his own costume, was close behind. The two of them were so shrouded in their excitement, that they took a wrong turn and bumped into a female student in their way. And as it turned out, this one was not Haruhi, but a girl in the traditional yellow dress of the school.

"Ooof!" she huffed, as Kaoru bumped into her from behind. As she shook, she dropped a few pieces of paper onto the floor.

"Oh! I'm sorry," gasped Kaoru. "I didn't mean to... Are you alright?"

The girl turned around. It was Ayaka, the fangirl with the fanfictions. Upon looking into the eyes of one of her beloved Hitachiin twins, her face flushed red and her thoughts all melted away. It was as though she fell into a deep trance.

"I'm really sorry," frowned Kaoru, who was unsure of what to do. Behind him, Hikaru looked confused and started to scan the area for Haruhi.

As Kaoru held out his hand apologetically, the girl let out a small squeal before taking off in a mad dash, leaving behind a dustcloud of yellow that matched her uniform.

"...Well, that was weird," mused Kaoru, before he looked down on the floor. "...What's this?" purred the curious Hitachiin.

Poor, poor Ayaka. So taken was she by being in the presence of her favorite Hosts, that she lost all control of her nerves and ran away before remembering that she had dropped the fanfic she had been working so feverently on. And there, by the feet of Kaoru Hitachiin, were the pages of said fanfic.

Curious, he picked up the pages- five in total- and began to skim through each one As he did this, his smile grew wider, and wider. "Oh... Oh-ho-ho-ho! ...Oo, that's dirty. ...Oh, you naughty, naughty girl... _'His raging ten-inch'_\- TEN? Oh sweetie, bless your heart!"

"Kaoru?" peeped Hikaru, who was still scanning the hall for Haruhi.

He waved him down. "Hika! Come'ere, you gotta read this!"

"What is it?" asked the other half of the duo as he approached.

"Just read this part right here."

Hikaru looked over his brother's shoulder, and within seconds his jaw dropped and his face flushed red. "_'His tongue explored his brother's wet cavity...' _Ugh, you ever notice how often smut fics say those exact words when explaining French kisses? Just call it what it is: a mouth! ...Wait, is this about_ us_?"

"Uh-huh," giggled Kaoru. "Read on. It gets better."

"_'__He reached for the lubricant'_ -Oh, yeah! Like we always have it on hand!" He rolled his eyes.

"Wait, wait. The best part's coming right up."

"'With his pointer finger, he reached down into Kaoru's nether reg-... Oh... Oh, God. ...Oh, my Go- LEGS DON'T BEND LIKE THAT!"

"BWA-Hahahahahaha!" laughed his twin, his legs kicking while his arms squeezed his sides so as to prevent them from bursting. "Priceless! It's so priceless!"

Hikaru's fingers scanned through more unbelievably detailed items. "No, no, no. That does _not_ go_ there_, dear..." Suddenly, he cupped his mouth in horror. "Ooohh! Oh God, it just keeps getting worse! Oh, ow! I felt that!" Then he pointed to one particularly racy line. "I don't even think that's legal."

"None of this is legal!" At this point, Kaoru was on the verge of losing all of the air in his lungs, as he arched back into the wall for support.

"Who the hell wrote this? And how do they know so much about male anatomy?"

The younger twin paused to catch his breath before responding. "...It was one of our guests, I think, but I never got her name..." He turned his face slightly to meet Hikaru's golden eyes. "...So. What do you think?"

The slightly older Hitachiin took a step back while making a face in disgust. "I am _not_ making that our next routine."

"Well," shrugged Kaoru, "we don't have to do every last detail; we'll just water it down a little..." He flipped to the next page and read some more lines. "...We'll have to water it down a lot."

The elder twins' eyes suddenly sparkled, as an idea rushed through his head. Tamaki was right; their ideas were quite devious. "...Hey. Kaoru."

The younger twins' eyes matched his brothers'. "Yes, Hikaru?"

"Remember what Kyoya-Senpai said about us doing Shakespeare? ...What if we took it a step further?"

Their wide, toothy grins matched.

Oh such deviants they were, those Hitachiin boys.

.

**TBC**


	2. The Master Plan

.

Poor Ayaka was beside herself when she came home. After lightening her schoolbag of her books and laptop, along with a few pens and pencils, she realized that she was missing something very important: her loose notes containing her fanfic. Panic overcame her as she frantically skimmed the pages of her books, hoping the notes were lodged between their pages. But alas, they were not. Finally, after all other fruitless searches, she came to the conclusion that she must have dropped them somewhere... possibly at school.

On the verge of tears, she collapsed onto her bed, burying her head in her pillow which was still under the blanket. How, she wondered, could she ever show her face in that school again? Surely someone had found her notes, and they're probably plastering them all over the walls in the hallways. Or perhaps that someone was going to blackmail her into payment, or some cruel stunt that will humiliate her in frontof everyone. Whichever the scenario, one thing was clear: she could never show her face in Ouran Academy ever again.

...Or _could_ she?

She lifted her head as a ray of hope lightened her face. She had no memory of ever printing her name on those notes. She thought about it deeply... Nope. They were written anonymously, she was certain of it. A smile drew across her face; if no one knew it was her story, the. She was free from ridicule! Life didn't have to end! She rested her head back onto her pillow and breathed a deep sigh of relief.

.

"You stole some girl's notes?" asked a very disapproving Haruhi. It was the following afternoon in the Host Club; while Hunny, Mori and Kyoya were busy arranging fresh new roses in the bases of Music Room 3, Tamaki and Haruhi stood with folded arms as they looked down at the guilty Hitachiin twins.

The redheads, sitting side by side on the main velvet red sofa, simply shrugged.** "We** **were** **gonna** **give '****em** **back."**

"Problem is," chimed Hikaru.

"We don't really know her name," frowned Kaoru.

**"And besides," **they grinned in unison,** "it ****gave us a great idea!"**

"Oh, no!" snapped the Host King as he threw out an open hand in denial. "I'm not hearing any ideas from you two! If you found a cure to cancer, I wouldn't want to hear it!"

"Geez, Boss," pouted Hikaru. "Not a fan of the living, are ya?"

"At least," pleaded Kaoru, "let us tell you the idea before you shoot it down."

Tamaki paused, glancing to Haruhi as if her opinion was the deciding factor. The girl disguised as a boy narrowed her eyes at her Senpai. Then her attention turned to the little devils on the sofa, with still narrowed eyes. "...If I hear your idea, will you promise to return the notes you stole?"

The twins nodded unanimously. "As soon as we find out her name," added Hikaru.

"Which," added Kaoru slyly, "is actually part of the plan."

Haruhi prepared for the worst as she sighed, "Let's hear it."

The boys have each other a quick high five before Hikaru led the speech: "Well yesterday, Kyoya-Senpai mentioned something about us doing a Shakespearean theme for the club."

"But," added Kaoru, "we thought it would be even more exciting if we came up with a play all our own. Of course, we didn't have any story ideas..."

"Until we found this girl's notes, which is actually a love story about Kaoru and I."

"The details are... shall we say... inappropriate?"

"Girl's got quite an imagination."

"So we took it upon ourselves to tone it down."

"Big time."

"You'll thank us later."

"Wait, wait, wait!" shot Haruhi while waving her arms. "You mean to tell me you guys want to turn a girl's story into a play?"

The boys at this point were sitting back with their legs crossed and arms folded. Hikaru turned to his mirror reflection with a grin. "Catches on quick, doesn't she?"

"That's why we love her," the reflection grinned back.

"HOLD IT!" shouted Tamaki in very much the same tone as Phoenix Wright, accompanied by a _similar "Hold_ _it!"_ voice bubble that nearly beheaded the Twins. Good thing for them, they ducked in time as it blew by. With ice cold eyes, the Host King pointed his jugemental finger at the redheads and yelled, "You expect me to let you two doppelgängers take advantage of some innocent girl's private work?"

"Innocent," smirked Kaoru softly, "is not the word I'd use." His brother heard him and chuckled.

"Even still!" scoffed Tamaki, "you can't just use her material without her permission! It's deceptive! It's disgraceful! It's-"

"Brilliant," grinned the raven haired, bespectacled young man in his little corner of the room. All eyes fell of Kyoya as he paused from writing in his little black book to elaborate. "Whoever this mystery writer is, she's obviously intrigued by the Twins and their double act, and I know for a fact that she's not the only one. By doing this play, we wouldn't just fulfill her fantasy, but the fantasies of other established guests. Then when the curtain falls, we can have the mystery girl come forward, and when she does the mystery will be solved. The Twins can return her original work, and the club will gain revenue for the play... All in all, it's a win-win situation. Nice plan, boys." He gave a surprisingly warm smile to the Twins with that last statement.

To this, the Hitachiin Twins jumped up with glee. "**YAYYY!" **They then clasped hands and began to spin around in jubilation, chanting: **"SEN-PAI APPROVES IT! SAN-PAI APPROVES IT!"**

"There's just one problem," came a dark, feminine voice. All eyes now fell on Haruhi, who lowered her head slightly as to hide her eyes behind her dark bangs. "What if the mystery girl doesn't want her story to be shown in front of everybody? What if all we'll end up doing is humiliate her?"

"Ah, we've thought of that!" smiled a confident Hikaru. "If nobody steps forward to claim ownership of the story,"

"Then," chimed in his twin, "well just accept her privacy and leave the notes we found on our table at the end of the day. She can pick them up after hosting hours."

The two of them then turned to their Boss for the final say. Tamaki paused again, rubbing his chin in deep thought. Then suddenly, to even the Twins' surprise, the Host King lifted his head and declared, "Alright. Just this once, we'll do things your way."

**"YAAAAYYY!" **cheered the Twins as they resumed their jovial spin. **"****TO-NO APPROVES IT! TO-NO APPROVES IT! TO-NO APPROVES IT!" **They finished it with three claps in tempo**: "WE! RULE! THE CLUB!"** The cheers then devolved into fits of childish giggles. To this, Haruhi rolled her eyes.

"Now then," sighed Kyoya while adjusting his glasses, "what exactly is this story about?"

All at once, the Twins stopped giggling and dropped their impish grins. "...Oh," frowned Hikaru. "That's what we meant to tell you..."

Kaoru's tone matched his brother's as he replied, "we only have the love scene down. There wasn't much else we got from the girl."

"Humph," breathed Kyoya. "Well, I suppose we'll just have to start from scratch. We can't have a play with no plot, now can we?"

"Well no, of course not!" replied Tamaki. "This may be a generic yaoi fanfic, but we here at Ouran have standards! Alright everyone, let's put all of our heads together and come up with something spectacular!"

Everyone else seemed to mirror Tamaki's newfound enthusiasm, except for one. Haruhi, ever the pessimist, narrowed her eyes and dead panned. "This is going to be a spectacular disaster."

.

**TBC**


	3. Renge Takes The Wheel

**.**

The Club closed its doors for the following week, much to the dismay of their clients. As the days went on, the young girls were beginning to wonder if they had done something to offend the Hosts, or if a Host was sick, or if there was an epidemic, or if someone died!

...But really, the reason for the club's absence was far less tragic: they were busy preparing for their new project: a staged, three-act play. The problem was, that the source material was minimal, and lacked a coherent plot. So while all other students were locked out, the Hosts put their heads together to come up with something grand...

.

**Item One: Setting and Theme**

"Feudal Japan!" shouted Tamaki.

"Renaissance Europe!" growled Kyoya.

"Vampire mythos!" hollered Kaoru.

"Grecian mythos!" screamed his brother.

"Jungle theme," muttered Mori.

"French Revolution!" cheered Hunny. "I wanna be Marie Antoinette so I can say, 'Let them eat cake!'"

This was getting on Haruhi's last nerves. All afternoon, the hosts were- very loudly- coming up with various suggestions on what setting their play should have. Each suggestion was more obnoxious and absurd as the last, and her head was now splitting in two. After enduring ten minutes of bickering among her male co-hosts, she finally spoke up. "Why not just set it in modern times? This_ is_ a story about the Twins, right?"

They all gave her blank stares before shouting in unison, **"Too boring!"**

Her face faltered.

Kyoya then spoke up. "If this is a story about forbidden love, then I suggest we choose a setting in which this particular pairing would be most taboo. Hikaru, your suggestion is out; the Ancient Greeks were perfectly fine with homosexuality."

The elder Hitachiin seemed to have tripped over something- his ego, perhaps- and fell in defeat.

"Kaoru, your idea is thrown out too; mythology is all about forbidden love."

The younger Hitachiin followed after his brother onto the floor.

"Mori-Senpai? ...Just... No."

"Hmm," hummed the tallest of the Hosts with a frown.

"Might_ I _make a suggestion?" a feminine voice eerily spoke out from out of nowhere. Hunny jumped, as his feet were directly above the Deus Ex Machina and its portal was opening up. Out from below the floors came Renge, the self-proclaimed manager of the Host Club, on her spinning machine of... randomness.

Holding out one of her many manga magazines, Renge proudly announced, "I just happen to be a subscriber to Manga Monthly, and from what I've read it looks like medical dramas are all the rage!"

"**Medical dramas?"** blinked the Hosts.

Renge beamed as she flipped through the pages of her book, "I personally love the story of the young girl who had her face burned so badly in a fire, that her handsome young surgeon did a full reconstruction of her face, and turned her into the most beautiful woman in the world! He couldn't keep his hands off her, the little devil! _Squee_! Oh, and this one: two nurses fighting for the heart of the patient dying of a terminal illness; whoever finds the cure may walk down the aisle with him!"

Kaoru motioned over to his brother with half opened eyes. "We've done the Doctor act before, didn't we?"

Hikaru pondered for a minute before he smirked, "Well, we were both technically doctors at the time, neither one was the patient... Say, that gives me an idea."

"I'm two steps ahead of you boys!" cheered Renge as she jumped in front of them. She then reached out and pulled down the next marker:

**Item Two: Cast**

Then she flipped it back out. "I can see it now: Kaoru, the meaker and more sensitive of the brothers, will make a great patient who's dying of an undisclosed disease. And Hikaru, the more domineering of the two, who can only let his defenses down when his brother needs him by his side."

"Don't I get to play the doctor?" frowned Hikaru, who was unsure of where Renge's chain of thought was going.

"Idiot!" snapped Renge. "If it was just between you two, the story wouldn't go anywhere. Every love story needs tension, conflict! It needs... YOU!" With that, she pointed her finger dramatically at the bescpectacled Host.

"...Me?" meeped Kyoya worriedly.

"Yes,_ you_ Kyoya! You're going to play the handsome Doctor who gets in between the Twins' love affair! You're going to be hoveriong over Kaoru all day every day, making Hikaru jealous and suspicious!"

Kyoya straightened his glasses. "I'm not usually one to play a lead role; I'm more comfortable with being behind the scenes."

"But just look at you!" squaled Renge. "That frame, that cold look on your face, that tone of voice that just oozes arrogance- it all spells out Doctor!"

Tamaki grinned. "...You would pull off the role pretty well, Kyoya. Everyone takes you seriously, even the Twins."

"Hmm..." Kyoya sighed. "Very well, I suppose I can show off some of my family's medical know-how."

"That's the spirit!" cheered Renge. "Now that we have our main cast, filling out the rest of the roles will be easy!"

"...Can I still be Marie Antionette?" peeped Hunny, causing everyone to exchange awkward glances.

.

**Item Three: Plot **

"Now," lectured Renge while she was still on a roll, "if we want this story to be memorable, we need to avoid some of the more cliched plot tropes, such as 'The Lying Lover,' or 'The Gold-Digging Boyfriend.'"

"What's the Lying Lover?" asked a curious Haruhi.

She was met by Renge's white-hot, raging eyes and snake hair. "Are you serious? It's only the one trope every romantic comedy in the last twenty years has done! It goes like this: The Hero is kind and sympathetic, yet he's very self aware of some flaw that he has. So to win the heart of his intended, he either denies this flaw or lies around it. Then, in the climax, the truth is revealed and-"

"Oo, oo! I know this one!" cheered an enthusiastic Tamaki. As he spoke, all colors flushed to hues of blue as sketch drawings of Hikaru and Kaoru acted out the trope in his head: _"The Liar (Hikaru) is forced to reveal himself, causing his love interest (Kaoru) to break up with him, then we get five minutes of the two of them moping around in sorrow to a sweet, sad song."_

**WHAM!** -Went Renge's rolled up magazine to Tamaki's head, knocking him on the ground. "Don't interrupt me while I'm working! ...But yes, that about sums it up, Haruhi."

"Oooh," nodded the girl in dusguise. "...Yeah, I hate that trope."

"What about kissing in the rain?" asked Hunny. "That's a popular one."

"How would we pull that off?" questioned Haruhi.

_An image of the Twins kissing on set right as a bucket of ice-cold water falls over their heads entered everyone's mind._

"**Pass,"** frowned the Twins, each giving a disapporoving thumbs down.

"Running on the beach?" suggested Mori out of the blue.

_A new image of the Twins, hand in hand, running across the edge of a hot, sandy beach in bathing trunks entered their heads..._

"Oo, then as they're running, we can make it rain!" chimed in Tamaki, as_ the sketchy imaginary Twins were suddenly doused in ice-cold water courtesy of a bucket magically appearing over their heads._

"Let's keep this simple, shall we?" suggested Kyoya. "Suppose we throw in other characters, such as a mother and father?"

"Oo, yes!" cheered Renge. "The parents- Mori-Senpai and Hunny-senpai- will approve of the hunky Doctor because he's rich and charming and oh so handsome!"

New image:_ sketches of Hunny in drag standing next to Mori in a tux shaking hands with Kyoya in a doctor's uniform, while the fearful Twins look on._

"Which will only add tension to the star-crossed lovers, causing them to elope!"

_Back to the beach they go, still hand in hand, but now fully dressed instead of swim trunks._

"Oo!" cooed Tamaki. "And then one of them will be in a terrible accident, causing him to end up in the hospital while the hunky Doctor takes care of him and makes the other twin jealous!"

_Sketch Kaoru falls through the scene and into a hospital bed, as Doctor Kyoya is wheeled in to loom over him. Sketch Hikaru's head pops out from behind Doctor Kyoya with anger in his dotted eyes._

"And," continued Tamaki, "we'll make it look like the two of them will be seperated forever, cuing the five-minute moping scene..."

_Call back to the blue-hued Sketch Twins moping about in two seperate spotlights as a sad piano plays in the background..._

"...But then, a moment of clarity!"

_Sketch Hikaru jumps in trimph to the sound of trumpets._

"The older twin professes his undying love for his brother in the most grandiose act of affection he can muster!"

_Sketch Hikaru appears at Sketch Kaoru's bedside with enormous bouquets of flowers, a banner reading "I 3 YOU KAORU," and a giant heart-shaped candy box._

"The younger brother will be so taken by this gesture that his heart finds the strength it needs to be healed! And then, they jump into each other's arms..."

_Sketch Kaoru, miraculously healed and out of bed, does indeed jump to Sketch Hikaru and they embrace..._

"...And then, we MAKE IT RAIN!"

_A bucket of ice-cold water is dumped over their heads for the third time._

**-POW!-**

Tamaki's body twirled three times before it hit the floor after being punched by an enraged Renge. She then dusted her hands and deadpanned, "Like Kyoya said, we'll keep this simple... Hikaru? May I see the fanfic please?"

"Sure." The readhead handed the stolen papers of the unknown fangirl over to the otaku, positive that they were in good hands.

Renge eyed each word of the scripture with fierce intent. "Hmm... Mm-hmm... Yes, I like that... Uh-huh, uh-huh, exactly how I'd word it... Ah, there may be a teeeeeency-weeeensy little problem here."

"**Uh-oh," **blinked the Twins. **"What is it?"**

"This love scene, it's a bit... too risque. I doubt we'd get away with most of these... 'acts,' without someone calling the cops."

Hikaru shrugged, "We tried to tone it down as much we could-"

"While still trying to respect the original piece," finished his brother.

"Even so," nodded Renge as she handed it back to them, "it's just too risky for our guests to witness you two... How did she word it? ….'Breaking all the rules.'"

As she said this, a curious Hunny tried to glance at the naughty fanfic pages, but he was quickly pulled aside by his protective cousin.

The Twins looked at each other worriedly. "How are we gonna pay homage to our number one fan..." started Hikaru.

"...if we're not even using her original material?" finished Kaoru.

After pausing for a few seconds in deep thought, Renge snapped her fingers. "I've got an idea."

Haruhi sighed deeply. This was going to turn out one way or another: a loving homage to the Twins' admirer, or a disastrous insult to her. The girl in boy's clothing prayed for the former.

.

**TBC**


End file.
